Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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