There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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