It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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