You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
