you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
