i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
