I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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