In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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