I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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