Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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