I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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