What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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