Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
