I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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