Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
