Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
