What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
