I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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