my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A bitchslap is in order.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
