I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
