I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Mom said you looked used
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
