Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
