people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm always down for nudity.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
