All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
