Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
