You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
