i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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