yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
