im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
