Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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