Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
