I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
