I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
