You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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