she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
