I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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