He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
