If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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