just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
