: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
