We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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