Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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