Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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