Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
