is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
