It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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