I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
