Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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