I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
