Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
