she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
