I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
