I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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