I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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