Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
