Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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