my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
