Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
