when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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