Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
