JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
