So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
