I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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