so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
